Renovations and Predictable Patterns.

Sometime in the near future, one of the least subtle of the GOP Congresscritters — say, Chip Roy or Paul Gosar — will be caught on camera saying that the president has the right to demolish the “woke” monument to Martin Luther King, Jr., in the same way he had the right to demolish the East Wing of the White House. “King was a socialist agitator,” they will add. “I don’t know why we celebrate him at all.”

The first 24 hours of the news cycle will feature chyrons and print headlines from mainstream media that read “Controversial comments described as racist” and “Republican Congressman receives backlash.” Right-wing media outlets will deliver analysis above the title “Does Congressman have a point?”

When asked for comment, Speaker Mike Johnson will claim he hasn’t heard about this statement, and can’t for the life of him fathom why anyone would care when Democrats have allowed illegal immigrants to topple three American cities and turn their ruins into open-air fentanyl markets. Press Secretary Leavitt will roll her eyes, sigh heavily, and repeat the question in a nasal, mocking voice while making a rudimentary hand puppet before replying “the president will do whatever is best for the American people as he always does, and if this upsets you maybe you should have said something when antifa were blowing up statues of respected Confederate generals with homemade terrorist explosives.”

JD Vance will appear onstage at a donors’ dinner and tell a crowd of well-dressed socialites that if you look closely at the regulations you’ll see that monuments in Washington DC were traditionally only reserved for two kinds of people: presidents and fallen soldiers. “And listen, I’m not saying Martin Luther King was an evil man, but he wasn’t a president or a soldier. And the only reason he has a monument in the first place is because Barack Hussein Obama allowed DEI to become part of our national policy. The President is ready to end that once and for all… and who knows, it might be a perfect place to put up the Trump Monument we all want!”

Lawsuits are prepared to halt any attempt to destroy the monument. Democrats in solidly blue states and districts speak loudly in opposition, denouncing the very notion as white supremacist at its core, while those in more purple areas argue about the legal boundaries that the president continues to break. Senate Majority Leader John Thune abdicates all legislative responsibility, saying that this is ultimately a matter for the courts and that we all need to remember that the president has “an overwhelming mandate from the vast majority of the nation.”

For his part, when asked about what he thinks of the idea, the President’s eyes dart about the room as he leans forward and spews forth five minutes of winding nonsense that includes phrases such as “it’s something to look into, you know, because very many people tell me we shouldn’t have this statue, and perhaps even Black people, who love me by the way because no president in history has done so much for the Blacks, like Kanye and Herman Cain, you remember Herman Cain? So sad what happened to Herman. Got the CHINA virus, you remember, that’s what I call it, the CHINA virus, and I stopped that, remember, but nobody gave me a prize for it even though everyone said I deserve it.”

Secretary Hegseth announces that three more narcotrafficking vessels cleverly disguised as fishing boats have been obliterated and all seventeen cartel kingpins aboard are dead. FBI Director Kash Patel announces new federal investigations against Adam Schiff, Liz Cheney, and Jamie Raskin. Secretary Noem declares that she recently went on an operation with her courageous ICE agents that arrested over 20 violent Spanish-speaking men and that she personally executed their dogs in front of them to remind them of what will happen should they ever cross our border again. Stephen Miller licks his lips several times and devours the still-beating heart of a sacrificed black lamb.

The news cycle moves on. Somewhere in Virginia, a demolitions company receives final approval on their government contract and begins filling out the work orders.