Creative Control

Miscellaneous Mental Musings of an Emerging Artist

I am fine.

I am fine. I am fine. I am fine. I am fine.

Since receiving the disappointing news, yesterday, that I am not going to be joining the cast of Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind, I have been subconsciously repeating the above mantra in my head and trying to also convince myself that I believe it.

On one level, I believe it wholeheartedly. I was not relying entirely on this audition to give my life meaning, although I was hoping it would give it a new focus. As it is, now I go back to my playwriting workshops and trying to sort out where I should go with my life. I should take the GRE next month, and stop dilly-dallying about studying for it. In fact, I should go register right now, as soon as I’m done with this entry.

But what to say? I can’t even talk as clearly as I’d like right now . I am slightly stunned. I really thought I could get in. I wonder what they needed from me. Or was it that they got what they wanted from me, but got more of it from the two they selected? It’ll drive me nuts if I let it, so…

I am fine. I am fine. I am fine.

Argh. Having another mind-jumble sorta day. Too many thoughts all at once. Rather be elsewhere, doing elsethings.

Stop writing. You don’t know what you want to say right now, so stop writing.

I am fine. I am fine. I am fine.

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This entry was posted on October 29, 2001 by in Life, Performance, Writing.
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