Creative Control

Miscellaneous Mental Musings of an Emerging Artist

Taking off the training wheels.

xmas_neoSomeday maybe I’ll have the inner peace to accept it for a necessary part of the process, but today I am not so Zen.

We are ten days away from first preview of A Very Neo-Futurist Christmas Carol, adding in the set and costumes and functioning props, and slogging through transitions and line edits and traffic patterns and it’s always right at this moment that I begin to doubt. I doubt my abilities, I doubt the quality of the production, I doubt my colleagues, I doubt the enterprise and the choices that led to it.

My body and soul enter a state of ugly exhaustion and I think “How did I get involved in this? What possible psychic fugue were you under when the work was offered and you accepted?”

I’m always wrong. That’s the important thing to remember. My fears in this phase of the process always end up unfounded. Judging rehearsals shortly before tech is like going grocery shopping on an empty stomach; it’s something besides your brain that’s making the loud noises.

I’m wrong now. It’s going to be a really great show. I know this, but I still need to convince myself.

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This entry was posted on November 10, 2008 by in Mental Health, Neo-Futurists, Performance, Theatre.
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