Creative Control

Miscellaneous Mental Musings of an Emerging Artist

An Audit in August.

At the end of July, James Gunn got fired from his job directing Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 after Mike Cernovich, alt-right ne’er-do-well and unrepentant rape apologist, unleashed a massive, expertly timed onslaught collage pieced together from of the ill-considered jokes about pedophilia and other unenlightened opinions Gunn had once put online and had since disavowed. This is not an essay expressing the whole of how I feel regarding Gunn’s firing, save to say that Mike Cernovich is a cackling misanthropic pustule of a man, and that the uniquely human paradigm of transgression, atonement, and forgiveness is a multifaceted process that winds and bends and catches fire and cools and might never resolve to anyone’s preference.

Gunn’s experience, in its way, compelled me to finally complete a project I began six years ago, migrating a selectively curated batch of blog posts over from my old LiveJournal — nowadays a platform owned by Russian interests, just like our president — to WordPress, with a handful of small corrections and cleanup for dead links. I also took the opportunity to grab a number of my long-form commentary posts from Facebook and convert them into journal versions. The final count was a little over 700 compositions — including essays, plays, poetry and prose — that I felt best represented the state of my mind and the form of my feeling at the time I chose to write about them.

train_tracks

Things I Learned From The Migration

  • When I started expressing myself this publicly it was June 2001. I was in my early 20s, and the internet was still something of an awkward, knock-kneed colt, trying to cross a rushing stream on the random pattern of rounded stones that had managed to push above the surface. So I composed a lot of writing that, upon reflection 17 years later, was not only poor in construction but poor in its foundations. By which I mean, I was choosing terrible things to write about and then writing about them poorly.
  • As such, by moving forward a post at a time, I was able to pinpoint the period in which I finally felt I knew how to wield my voice, because it’s the period I found myself choosing to retain more content than not.
  • It’s around 2007 – 2008.
  • Very few of my core philosophies and political positions truly changed over the course of those 17 years but the manner in which I sought to advocate for them did. Over time I attempted to reconfigure my rhetoric from an arsenal of grenades to the precise and powerful longbow. I find I would rather strike true once instead of having to clean up the mess I leave when I let my anger fly unchecked. I do not always succeed, but I try.
  • If we knew each other online from 2013 to 2014 you probably knew about my terrible, psychotic downstairs neighbor and our 18-month attempt to fight back against the trauma she inflicted on our family. And I decided, after looking over the posts I’d written on Facebook about the subject, that I have no desire to bring them forward into the blog space. For now I leave the record of this nonsense in the stewardship of Mr. Zuckerberg and with the sentinels of my own mental scars.
  • As far as I can tell I did not write anything that would cost me a job at Disney.

 

I’m leaving in the pre-dawn hours of the morning to attend a family wedding in Toronto. When I return I believe I will permanently shutter what remains of the LiveJournal, and let whatever I deemed unnecessary to myself moving forward fade into any oblivion there may exist on the internet.

And I shall remind myself that the price of self expression is that your past can be both fleeting and permanent at the same time.

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This entry was posted on August 31, 2018 by in History, Mental Health, Movies, Society, The Internet, Travel, Writing.
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